Marshaling Ideas in the Spotlight

I received an email earlier this week from my mom, titled "jobs for you". She offered a few suggestions that actually very much intrigued me: Travel Journalism, or Travel Critiquing. I did some research, discovering that neither pays well enough to really be considered a full-time job-type career (unless you revel in adventures of living for free through the life of traveling the world). However, a few websites pointed out that being a travel journalist works very well as a freelancer, which appealed to me.

I still do not know which career I want to pursue after college, but being an INTJ, I value the journey of searching for the answers more than the destination and solution itself. So, I'm okay not knowing. I have found in my short life that the times I do not know what to expect produce the most interesting, exciting and fulfilling outcomes. I'm excited not knowing exactly what, yet exploring all possibilities. It's mysterious, and I know will turn out better than I ever imagined possible.

On another note: I think I am auditioning for a movie this weekend. I have done a ton of stage productions in the past, but I have never done a film, and I am curious to open that door and discover what that experience beholds. 

Even still, I am also auditioning for two upcoming stage productions: "Seussical, the Musical", and "Oklahoma", respectively. As it has been almost a year and a half since I have starred in a full-blown stage production, I am stoked to get back in the game. 

I am not familiar with the company presenting the former show because it is out-of-town. However, the company presenting the latter show is the largest production company in my area, and it would be a huge deal if I am cast in "Oklahoma". I did tech work as the Assistant Props Manager for "The Buddy Holly Story" for the company, but I have never worked on stage for them. 

My voice teacher told me the executive producer for the company, Moore Onstage, is apparently excited to get in contact with me about working (performing) for the company. She watched my performances in high school ("West Side Story" and "Beauty and the Beast", and has since been wanting to work with me; I am so excited.

ALSO, I ran into the music director of a local Episcopal church when he came into the pub where I work. He, who is also familiar with my talent, said he wants me to take on a position in his church as a paid soloist. I gave him my contact information, and he assured me he would be in touch soon!

That's all I have for now....I need to get to work on my monologue and songs!

La La La...Careers??

Part One: Careers (Don't Miss Part Two Below!!)

If you read this blog at all, you have probably already figured out that the one area of my life that costs me the most amount of sleep is trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. That is not entirely true: more narrowly, it is what career I want to have when I graduate from college.

Last semester, when I took an Interpersonal Communication class, my teacher made everyone take a version of the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, according to Carl Jung, (pronounced "Young"). That test determined that I am an INTJ personality type; they also gave a percentage for the strength of each preference:

I-Introverted (44%)

N-iNtuitive (38%)

T-Thinking (100%)

J-Judging (22%)

The description was all very interesting, and impressively accurate. Curious to find out if my personality type had changed since last semester, I took the test again a few days ago. Depending on which version I took,  I was either still diagnosed as an INTJ (and quite proud of it!), or as an ISTJ. The S denotes Sensing; S's are more "by the book", live by straight fact, and like to function in a highly structured manner. I read the profiles of ISTJs and found them to be slightly less accurate than the INTJ, but it was a fine line.

---I inquired my uncle, who is a professional psychologist, on the different types. He told me that I am considered an IXTJ (which is a technical term). He explained that that area of my personality is on the fence, and that as I grow and mature, my personality will gravitate stronger to one side. (He also noted that I'm barely old enough for the personality type to even apply. He is not aware that I am quite an old soul, far beyond my years in many ways.)---

The main reason I wanted to retake the test, however, was because I wanted to identify the careers best indicated for my personality type. I'll admit I was disappointed by what I discovered. The careers listed were: Computer Programming, Natural Science/Natural Science Education, Engineering, Management, Entrepreneurship, Law, and Librarian.* 

Unsatisfied by these suggestions, I decided to do more research to find some different options.  Another site stated** 

"Popular careers for the INTJ include:

economist financial planner investment banker computer programmer financial analyst network administrator systems analyst software developer

attorney engineer architect pilot graphic designer writer columnist/critic inventor

The only careers from this list that sound remotely interesting (and feasible) to me are a pilot, a writer, or a columnist/critic.  Two categories I can sort the remaining careers into are: 

1. Careers that I could not do, (computer programmer, systems analyst, software developer, engineer, architect, and graphic designer); and 

2. Careers that I could, but would not do: (all the rest)

While I still believe the INTJ profiles to be more accurate, I nonetheless researched careers for an ISTJ. I found that none were any more enticing than what the INTJ had to offer; they were pretty much the same.

The thing is, is that I am entirely capable of doing a lot of those intense and well-paying jobs, and I know I would be very good at them; I just don't think that I would enjoy them. I don't want to put myself in a job that I hate, that I am bored with, that I'm "stuck" in, or that binds me. To me, all of that extra money is not worth hating my job. What would be the point?

*http://www.humanmetrics.com/vocation/JCI.asp?EI=-44&SN=-38&TF=100&JP=22

**http://www.personalitydesk.com/intj-type-description.php

P.S. I [think] what I want.

Leading to my next point...Part Two: What I Think I Know I Want

There are few details of myself that I know, but I know them to my core. I know what I want in life (at least from this point in my life), and these are very important to me:

1. I want to live somewhere else. 

• My first choice is Ireland. I want to work in, perhaps, Dublin, and have a condo in the South of Dublin. I also want a weekend home in Wicklow. Just a tiny, charming cottage with a mountain or water view. If I decide I prefer the west coast, then I would want a similar set-up with a condo in Galway City, and a weekend home in Clare (the music capital). 
• My second choice is California. To me, the most attractive places (that I have visited) are Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, and Long Beach, respectively. I am not much of a fan of San Francisco or Los Angeles. Still, I would probably try to live in Long Beach and work out of Los Angeles. California, like New York City, just is not as appealing and glamourous as I used to imagine.

2. As mentioned above...

• If I live in the city, I want a tiny 1-2 bedroom apartment, and I want it to be decorated like Dr. Gregory House's apartment, which is strangely similar to the inside of Abercrombie and Fitch stores. 
• If do not live in the city, I want to live either in the mountains or by the water, in a small cottage.

3. I want to be able to travel...a lot.  I want to see the world! I want to go to Ireland, Scotland, France, London, Wales, Italy, Spain, and tons of different tropical places...

So far that's what I know for sure. But I still cannot figure out which career will allow for all of these things.

Sidetracking, Distractions, and Insight to Why That's All it Is (Part 1)

I hate that, as much as I know and have made myself aware of, I still get distracted and side-tracked. And I'm not talking literally, in an every-day physical sense. I'm talking about in a mental and emotional sense. The scariest and most frustrating part is that it only takes the smallest meaningless bit of information to set me off track.

Fortunately, I am aware of it, and I have the power to overcome it. Not only that, but in an amount of time that no real damage is done.

Basically, I know my standards, and I know my boundaries. I also know never to cross them in the future (under any circumstances); however, where I have crossed them in the past is where it is hard to stay away.

At my age, I have experienced such deep emotional intensity and intimacy that some never even know exists. It was the most beautiful, intuitive understanding of the so vehemently intertwined souls of two impassioned people entirely infatuated with one another.

Reality became difficult to separate from the fantasy that was playing itself out in our mixed up and confused lives.  It was like a movie. (I have always thought that, without any scenes adapted or rewritten, our story would burn through the hearts of a silver screen audience.)

Everything was right. Nothing could go wrong. And all of the elements were there; perhaps the most exciting of which was the fact that it was forbidden: unspeakable. Worse: unimaginable. Yet when others began suspecting the truth we both adamently denied, the mere fact and circumstance made the denial of our feelings for each other ten-fold intransigent.

What, then, happened? What tore apart these two who too briefly encountered the true (yet false) marriage of the souls? If something were honestly and genuinely that strong and real, nothing would have the power the make their souls inseparable. (This, my friends, is how I have been able to, in the months proceeding the near-killing blow back into reality, discover that none of it was true. None of it was real. It was all a lie; a test from ego, yet a rare opportune moment in time facing a fork in the path of life, each way yielding extremely opposing consequences.)

The answer lies in the the little things. The reminders of what is really going on. The hints that, although I may have thought "It's too real for those minor things to matter", were (looking back) red-flags and caution signs. Billboards, in fact, saying "DO NOT ENTER". The answer lies in the seemingly small characteristics that can be counted on one hand. But they stand out against the rest because they are the most important.

Read on.......another day. (To be continued...)

August 29, 2009: A Book About Birthdays and Hell

Today was the day for celebrating the birthday of myself.

Unfortunately, it was also the day for a double-shift back at that hell-hole

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQL3PtiZH0Q)...

Last night was NOT a good one at work. Besides half of my section having been given away because I could not handle all of the tables, I was apparently unable to handle the two tables I did have. One was a party of six, and the other, a party of two.

To the six-top, I brought out their soups and salads after submitting their drink order to the bar, and literally went straight back into the kitchen, only to have the owner of the restaurant tell me to run the food for the six-top. So, of course, I had to. The floor-manager was....well, out on the floor.....right beside my table, to make sure I didn't screw up. As soon as I administered the meals to each person, (two of which ordered more drinks, before I had time to get their last order of drinks to them...), I headed to the bar to get their drinks. My manager stopped me midway and started chewing me out because of how my customers got their soups and salads at the same time as their entreés (which I knew was bad, but what could I have done at that point?). She made me so upset, I couldn't get the drinks from the bar; or go back to the table for a few minutes, for that matter. Fortunately, the bartender realized this whole situation and brought their drinks for me.

Meanwhile, however, I was taking entirely too long to get the food and drinks out to my second table, a two-top. Not only that, but once I did bring out their entreés, it turned out I screwed up their order. Bad. The woman at the table asked for no bacon on her meal, and I forgot to inform the kitchen. So I told the manager, she took it back to the kitchen, told them to fix it. She returned to the table to calm the customer down, while the kitchen simply took the bacon off the top and added more breadcrumbs to the top, to make it look new. As soon as I was about to take it back out to the table, however, my manager returned to warn us that the woman was allergic to bacon, so the whole meal had to be re-done. I was furious, mostly at myself.

In the end, I made $36 off of the six-top. Not much off of the other one, but I don't blame them. We took her meal off their ticket though. I made $57 all night.

Today was another story, (and this is where my birthday dinner comes into play). Sometime on Tuesday, my mom texted me that my birthday dinner was going to be at 7:30pm at 195 (that's the name of the restaurant), on Saturday night. I texted her back that I was working at 6:00pm on Saturday, and asked if we could reschedule it. She said we couldn't because Saturday was the only night that my brother could come (because he lives an hour away at college). I offered for me not to go then, my mother said that was ridiculous (for me not to be at my own birthday dinner), and I pointed out that either I couldn't be there, or my brother couldn't be there....which made her mad. She drove me to the pub where I work and took me inside to ask the manager if I could switch shifts with someone. Just my luck, there was only one girl who, either was not already working, had asked off, or had already switched shifts with someone...and my manager did not want her to cover my shift (because she asks off too much). My mom explained the situation again, using different words and inflections, so my manager offered for me to come in at 3:00pm, so I would be out by 7:oopm.

Today I worked from 10:00am until 2:00pm for my first shift, fortunately with the same manager who promised to get me to my birthday dinner on time. I returned at 3:00pm for my second shift, only to find that another manager was working the dinner shift. (This is also the manager that makes the schedules...the one you NEVER ask about switching shifts or getting off early.) I was unaware of the fact that my first manager never said a word to the second manager about me needing to be out by 7:30pm for my birthday dinner, until it was 7:15pm and she was still seating me a party of six. The hostess (who knew about me needing to leave) gave the table to someone else, my manager found out, got pissed, came to me to mention she knew nothing of this "drama" (as she called it), and told me to transfer out all of my remaining tables to other servers so I could pay her out and leave. At that point, all of my remaining tables had finished eating and were paying me out....which made my manager even more mad. She told me to transfer them out anyways, but I was not about to give away my money like that (I was the one who waited on them).....after they paid me, and I paid my manager, she pretty much kicked me out the door. Then my mom was mad that I was upset when I actually got to my birthday dinner, 15 minutes late.

Work aside, my birthday celebration went very well. My brothers said some really cool things about me that pretty much made the entire night. After dinner, I watched The Time Traveler's Wife with my sister and her friends, and my little brothers. (I had already seen it, but it was still good.) After the movie, we all went home and soaked in the hot-tub for awhile. It was nice.

Tomorrow, I'm going to some place to do some kind of weird-name yoga....It sounds interesting. But I'll blog about that another day.

Goodnight, reader.