Marshaling Ideas in the Spotlight

I received an email earlier this week from my mom, titled "jobs for you". She offered a few suggestions that actually very much intrigued me: Travel Journalism, or Travel Critiquing. I did some research, discovering that neither pays well enough to really be considered a full-time job-type career (unless you revel in adventures of living for free through the life of traveling the world). However, a few websites pointed out that being a travel journalist works very well as a freelancer, which appealed to me.

I still do not know which career I want to pursue after college, but being an INTJ, I value the journey of searching for the answers more than the destination and solution itself. So, I'm okay not knowing. I have found in my short life that the times I do not know what to expect produce the most interesting, exciting and fulfilling outcomes. I'm excited not knowing exactly what, yet exploring all possibilities. It's mysterious, and I know will turn out better than I ever imagined possible.

On another note: I think I am auditioning for a movie this weekend. I have done a ton of stage productions in the past, but I have never done a film, and I am curious to open that door and discover what that experience beholds. 

Even still, I am also auditioning for two upcoming stage productions: "Seussical, the Musical", and "Oklahoma", respectively. As it has been almost a year and a half since I have starred in a full-blown stage production, I am stoked to get back in the game. 

I am not familiar with the company presenting the former show because it is out-of-town. However, the company presenting the latter show is the largest production company in my area, and it would be a huge deal if I am cast in "Oklahoma". I did tech work as the Assistant Props Manager for "The Buddy Holly Story" for the company, but I have never worked on stage for them. 

My voice teacher told me the executive producer for the company, Moore Onstage, is apparently excited to get in contact with me about working (performing) for the company. She watched my performances in high school ("West Side Story" and "Beauty and the Beast", and has since been wanting to work with me; I am so excited.

ALSO, I ran into the music director of a local Episcopal church when he came into the pub where I work. He, who is also familiar with my talent, said he wants me to take on a position in his church as a paid soloist. I gave him my contact information, and he assured me he would be in touch soon!

That's all I have for now....I need to get to work on my monologue and songs!

La La La...Careers??

Part One: Careers (Don't Miss Part Two Below!!)

If you read this blog at all, you have probably already figured out that the one area of my life that costs me the most amount of sleep is trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. That is not entirely true: more narrowly, it is what career I want to have when I graduate from college.

Last semester, when I took an Interpersonal Communication class, my teacher made everyone take a version of the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, according to Carl Jung, (pronounced "Young"). That test determined that I am an INTJ personality type; they also gave a percentage for the strength of each preference:

I-Introverted (44%)

N-iNtuitive (38%)

T-Thinking (100%)

J-Judging (22%)

The description was all very interesting, and impressively accurate. Curious to find out if my personality type had changed since last semester, I took the test again a few days ago. Depending on which version I took,  I was either still diagnosed as an INTJ (and quite proud of it!), or as an ISTJ. The S denotes Sensing; S's are more "by the book", live by straight fact, and like to function in a highly structured manner. I read the profiles of ISTJs and found them to be slightly less accurate than the INTJ, but it was a fine line.

---I inquired my uncle, who is a professional psychologist, on the different types. He told me that I am considered an IXTJ (which is a technical term). He explained that that area of my personality is on the fence, and that as I grow and mature, my personality will gravitate stronger to one side. (He also noted that I'm barely old enough for the personality type to even apply. He is not aware that I am quite an old soul, far beyond my years in many ways.)---

The main reason I wanted to retake the test, however, was because I wanted to identify the careers best indicated for my personality type. I'll admit I was disappointed by what I discovered. The careers listed were: Computer Programming, Natural Science/Natural Science Education, Engineering, Management, Entrepreneurship, Law, and Librarian.* 

Unsatisfied by these suggestions, I decided to do more research to find some different options.  Another site stated** 

"Popular careers for the INTJ include:

economist financial planner investment banker computer programmer financial analyst network administrator systems analyst software developer

attorney engineer architect pilot graphic designer writer columnist/critic inventor

The only careers from this list that sound remotely interesting (and feasible) to me are a pilot, a writer, or a columnist/critic.  Two categories I can sort the remaining careers into are: 

1. Careers that I could not do, (computer programmer, systems analyst, software developer, engineer, architect, and graphic designer); and 

2. Careers that I could, but would not do: (all the rest)

While I still believe the INTJ profiles to be more accurate, I nonetheless researched careers for an ISTJ. I found that none were any more enticing than what the INTJ had to offer; they were pretty much the same.

The thing is, is that I am entirely capable of doing a lot of those intense and well-paying jobs, and I know I would be very good at them; I just don't think that I would enjoy them. I don't want to put myself in a job that I hate, that I am bored with, that I'm "stuck" in, or that binds me. To me, all of that extra money is not worth hating my job. What would be the point?

*http://www.humanmetrics.com/vocation/JCI.asp?EI=-44&SN=-38&TF=100&JP=22

**http://www.personalitydesk.com/intj-type-description.php

P.S. I [think] what I want.

Leading to my next point...Part Two: What I Think I Know I Want

There are few details of myself that I know, but I know them to my core. I know what I want in life (at least from this point in my life), and these are very important to me:

1. I want to live somewhere else. 

• My first choice is Ireland. I want to work in, perhaps, Dublin, and have a condo in the South of Dublin. I also want a weekend home in Wicklow. Just a tiny, charming cottage with a mountain or water view. If I decide I prefer the west coast, then I would want a similar set-up with a condo in Galway City, and a weekend home in Clare (the music capital). 
• My second choice is California. To me, the most attractive places (that I have visited) are Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, and Long Beach, respectively. I am not much of a fan of San Francisco or Los Angeles. Still, I would probably try to live in Long Beach and work out of Los Angeles. California, like New York City, just is not as appealing and glamourous as I used to imagine.

2. As mentioned above...

• If I live in the city, I want a tiny 1-2 bedroom apartment, and I want it to be decorated like Dr. Gregory House's apartment, which is strangely similar to the inside of Abercrombie and Fitch stores. 
• If do not live in the city, I want to live either in the mountains or by the water, in a small cottage.

3. I want to be able to travel...a lot.  I want to see the world! I want to go to Ireland, Scotland, France, London, Wales, Italy, Spain, and tons of different tropical places...

So far that's what I know for sure. But I still cannot figure out which career will allow for all of these things.

Sidetracking, Distractions, and Insight to Why That's All it Is (Part 1)

I hate that, as much as I know and have made myself aware of, I still get distracted and side-tracked. And I'm not talking literally, in an every-day physical sense. I'm talking about in a mental and emotional sense. The scariest and most frustrating part is that it only takes the smallest meaningless bit of information to set me off track.

Fortunately, I am aware of it, and I have the power to overcome it. Not only that, but in an amount of time that no real damage is done.

Basically, I know my standards, and I know my boundaries. I also know never to cross them in the future (under any circumstances); however, where I have crossed them in the past is where it is hard to stay away.

At my age, I have experienced such deep emotional intensity and intimacy that some never even know exists. It was the most beautiful, intuitive understanding of the so vehemently intertwined souls of two impassioned people entirely infatuated with one another.

Reality became difficult to separate from the fantasy that was playing itself out in our mixed up and confused lives.  It was like a movie. (I have always thought that, without any scenes adapted or rewritten, our story would burn through the hearts of a silver screen audience.)

Everything was right. Nothing could go wrong. And all of the elements were there; perhaps the most exciting of which was the fact that it was forbidden: unspeakable. Worse: unimaginable. Yet when others began suspecting the truth we both adamently denied, the mere fact and circumstance made the denial of our feelings for each other ten-fold intransigent.

What, then, happened? What tore apart these two who too briefly encountered the true (yet false) marriage of the souls? If something were honestly and genuinely that strong and real, nothing would have the power the make their souls inseparable. (This, my friends, is how I have been able to, in the months proceeding the near-killing blow back into reality, discover that none of it was true. None of it was real. It was all a lie; a test from ego, yet a rare opportune moment in time facing a fork in the path of life, each way yielding extremely opposing consequences.)

The answer lies in the the little things. The reminders of what is really going on. The hints that, although I may have thought "It's too real for those minor things to matter", were (looking back) red-flags and caution signs. Billboards, in fact, saying "DO NOT ENTER". The answer lies in the seemingly small characteristics that can be counted on one hand. But they stand out against the rest because they are the most important.

Read on.......another day. (To be continued...)