Sidetracking, Distractions, and Insight to Why That's All it Is (Part 1)

I hate that, as much as I know and have made myself aware of, I still get distracted and side-tracked. And I'm not talking literally, in an every-day physical sense. I'm talking about in a mental and emotional sense. The scariest and most frustrating part is that it only takes the smallest meaningless bit of information to set me off track.

Fortunately, I am aware of it, and I have the power to overcome it. Not only that, but in an amount of time that no real damage is done.

Basically, I know my standards, and I know my boundaries. I also know never to cross them in the future (under any circumstances); however, where I have crossed them in the past is where it is hard to stay away.

At my age, I have experienced such deep emotional intensity and intimacy that some never even know exists. It was the most beautiful, intuitive understanding of the so vehemently intertwined souls of two impassioned people entirely infatuated with one another.

Reality became difficult to separate from the fantasy that was playing itself out in our mixed up and confused lives.  It was like a movie. (I have always thought that, without any scenes adapted or rewritten, our story would burn through the hearts of a silver screen audience.)

Everything was right. Nothing could go wrong. And all of the elements were there; perhaps the most exciting of which was the fact that it was forbidden: unspeakable. Worse: unimaginable. Yet when others began suspecting the truth we both adamently denied, the mere fact and circumstance made the denial of our feelings for each other ten-fold intransigent.

What, then, happened? What tore apart these two who too briefly encountered the true (yet false) marriage of the souls? If something were honestly and genuinely that strong and real, nothing would have the power the make their souls inseparable. (This, my friends, is how I have been able to, in the months proceeding the near-killing blow back into reality, discover that none of it was true. None of it was real. It was all a lie; a test from ego, yet a rare opportune moment in time facing a fork in the path of life, each way yielding extremely opposing consequences.)

The answer lies in the the little things. The reminders of what is really going on. The hints that, although I may have thought "It's too real for those minor things to matter", were (looking back) red-flags and caution signs. Billboards, in fact, saying "DO NOT ENTER". The answer lies in the seemingly small characteristics that can be counted on one hand. But they stand out against the rest because they are the most important.

Read on.......another day. (To be continued...)