I'm sorry....let me introduce myself: I am a college sophomore stuck in between the now and the future, reality and fantasy, truth and...well, what I wish were the truth. A little background information about me: This is the closest to writing in a diary that I will ever come to. It's not my thing. Also, I HATE any form of online networking. Mostly because I think it's fake, and I don't like to waste my time with "fake". My father has always told me "Time is your most valuable asset", and sometimes I take him a little too seriously on that.
So why have I let down my own standards and decided to blog? Because I figure it's a way to put my thoughts and ideas into words that I don't neccessarily have to be held accountable to (at least not right now...my mom gets mad when I "think outloud", as my dad calls it, because she takes everything literally). Also, if there is any chance of direction from getting my thoughts down, it's worth a try for when I am too indecisive. Which is all too often.
But what can I say? I am a small town girl with big city dreams. I'm looking for the fastest and easiest ways to get out of this little town and pursue those dreams. But I am frustratingly torn between how easy it is to pursue them now, and the fact that if I wait just a little bit longer, and push a little bit harder now, then I can lay a much more stable foundation for my future...which either scares me into doing what is safe, or makes me wonder whether I will become the girl who never quite reached her dreams because she always did what was safe.
So what could possibly be keeping me up at 2:50am (EST) deciding to BLOG?? Well, it's probably not THAT huge of a deal to normal people (cause, like, everyone goes through it). But seeing as how I'm half psychotic (a characterisitc I get from having eight siblings and being smack-dab in the middle), and obsessive about having a plan (or NOT having a plan--a characteristic I get from seeing my older siblings not reach their full potentials, and my dad also always saying "Failing to plan is planning to fail."--anyways...)...I am up at 2:50am blogging.
Here it is: After this, my second year at a local community college, I can't pick one of these two simple, fail-proof choices to finish my B.S. in Business Administration:
1. Move to California and finish my degree online through the school I just decided NOT to attend this Fall...
- Pros: I get to move to California and work full-time, potentially for a company that could jump-start my dream career in the Music and/or Film Industry
- Cons: I would have less time to save money before I move (either way, I'm moving to California after college), and I wouldn't have the minor (mentioned below)
OR
2. Stay home (well, move from my dad's house to my mom's), go to the college my older brother will graduate from this year, and that my sister plans to attend next year, and also minor in Art Studies with concentrations in Music and Film Studies.
- Pros: I would have more time to save my money, plus I could get the minor
- Cons: It means I have to wait another two years before I move to California :(
Yep, my delima is that simple. Yet I still can't sleep at night because I have no solution to the puzzle. I'm an insomniac because I'm a motivated big-dreamer...a curse or a blessing? Who knows, it may just be both. So I'll be grateful. And still weigh my choices. As for now, my creative juices are running low, and I've got to get the dogs put away for the night. And myself. I have to be at work in seven and a half hours.
P.S. I knew it would help. Obviously the latter is the most rational and reasonable choice. "The right choice is not always the easiest to make"....as my dad always says.
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