Blah blah blah

I have been writing so freaking much the past couple of days. There must be something on my mind. But people keep asking me what I'm writing about and what I'm writing for, and I don't really know how to answer....I mean, I don't think about what I write when I'm writing; on the contrary, I write what I'm thinking, and I don't always know what I've written until I go back and read it. And I'm not writing for anything...it's just what I need to do sometimes.

We have just spent a lot of time traveling in the cars over the past few days, and I've taken advantage of that time to write. The only problem is that when I begin writing, I don't like to stop until I am finished...like, until all my thoughts are on paper, and they begin to run themselves, or stop running themselves, in circles. Also, (and somewhat because of that), I always get in a really weird mood when I write. Like, I don't really want to be around anyone or for anybody to talk to me....I get pretty emo, haha.

But whatever. I finally finished writing tonight. Unfortunately though, I'm running myself into another place that I always hate to go but can never seem to avoid. Uhhhhhh! I'm just so frustrated right now. I just don't know what to do, and I don't even know about what. I mean I do, but my logic won't just take the reigns and say, "Give it up already!" because I know there is nothing to be done, and there shouldn't be.

Whatever.....I just need another change of scenery. Something else to occupy my mind. This should all be over in about a week, or at least the next couple of weeks. Plus, I've got my auditions that I need to focus on.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Lani Pl,Kamuela,United States

Hawaii is AWESOME

I just want everyone to know that Hawaii is freaking amazing. The Gallagher and Larkin families have somewhat of a tradition of traveling somewhere together for the Christmas/New Year holidays, and this year we are in Hawaii! We've been having so much fun that I've not had the time (or interest) to blog (I can't fall asleep tonight!), but I just downloaded this blog app on my iPhone so I'm blogging now.

We have been here since December 20, and so far I have experienced so many new things! We have been shopping (of course), my mom, sister, Delaney, and I did henna tattoos, our families went diving together and saw some awesome new life (including sea urchins, ahhh!)...and of course we've been spending time on the beach (getting burned!!), and my personal favorite: bodysurfing!

Yesterday we went to the observatories at Mauna Kea which was cold but entirely beautiful. If you have never imagined the beauty of the mountains of Hawaii, you can't....the views, sunset, and star visibility was spectacular. Mr. Larkin, my mom, my sister, Josh, Delaney, and I even went to the summit: the highest point in the Pacific Ocean at 14,000 ft. It was indescribable.

But I've been taking tons of Twitpics! Check them out at twitter.com/cgallagher08






Hawaii is most def one of my new fave places! How could it not be? It is so fantastico!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Hokulele Dr,Kamuela,United States

Finally Finals!!

Haha Josh, I stole your title.

Last Friday I took my final exam for Principles of Microeconomics, and I found out today that I got a B in the class, overall. I'm really excited about that cause I couldn't have cared less about that class and was sick of worrying I'd get a bad grade.

This morning, I took my final Calculus exam, and then my Business Law final exam.  It totally sucked! Last night, I stayed up until 2am studying Calculus.  I took every single question from every quiz and test from the entire semester, and I worked every single one out. Fortunately, since they were from  my quizzes and tests, I had all the answers, so I knew if I was doing them right.  The thing about Calculus, is that none of the material or math is hard.  It's just that there is sooo much algebra and so many steps and so much notation, that it's easy to screw up.  I thought I did extremely bad on my test last week, but it turns out I only did moderately bad. I got an 80, and my teacher was really excited about it cause she drew smiley faces all over it, haha. But my exam this morning went really well. I finished an hour early, and I only couldn't answer one question (same material that was on that test).

My Business Law exam, on the other hand...I for sure bombed that one. I studied and all, but I don't think my teacher has ever taken any education courses. He's a retired attorney from DC, so his knowledge of the material is very strong....he just doesn't know how to teach it at all.  But, I mean, I guess that's just how lectures are supposed to be.  My problems are that I am not an auditory learner AT ALL, and he only talks...he never writes anything. And also, I never bought the book for the class, so I could never read ahead, or go back and teach myself (which is how I learn 99% of things).  Whatever...he's not gonna let me fail, and it's not a required class for me.  The worst it could do (and it's pretty bad) is affect my GPA.  But I'm majoring in music, so my Business Law grade's not going to matter much to the people that matter to me. Ha.

One last exam tomorrow evening: Public Speaking. My teacher is also the Dean of the college, and I'm on the Dean's List, and he "admires me much". We already went over our speeches last week, and mine was the only one he said was perfect.  I just have to present it tomorrow.  It'll be great....I'll miss that class for sure :(

Anyways, my mom just came home with dinner and is yelling for me to come downstairs.  Plus, I have to finish my last college application to send out TOMORROW.....And get READDDDDAAYY for my AUDITIONS!!! :)

OH! And Merry Christmas to me: my car is working again! :)

Peace.

Music and Gerry.

I finally finished all of my big projects for the rest of the semester, so I can....BREATHE.  Its a nice feeling. :)


Now, my biggest priority is learning my audition pieces for the FIVE schools I applied to, and making them perfect.  I CAN'T let this opportunity pass me by again.  I took it for granted once, and I'm afraid there are no second chances.  


Other than Music School auditions, I am still working as much as I can to pay off my car repairs. Ugh. For my un-repaired car.  Gerry is STILL giving me problems, and my mom is giving me problems about driving her car....among other things. (She got mad at me tonight.) But oh well....hopefully my brother was right about what's wrong with Gerry, and I can FINALLY get him fixed, and not have to worry about him anymore. Or spend big bucks anymore.


Well, I have to go to bed. I'm getting up bright and early to take my little brother to school, then off to my 8:00am Calculus class to turn in my biography on Sir Isaac Newton.

Happy Hollidays

I just realized that I only have one week left of classes before my exams begin. And that's a VERY GOOD thing!! My exams won't be hard at all, I am just SOO ready for this semester to be OVER!!

This past weekend I was in "Holiday in the Pines" with Moore OnStage and Taylor Dance Company, and it was FANTASTIC!! Well, not my singing because I was deathly ill, haha, but it was still so much fun. I so can't wait to do "Oklahoma!" in February. I'm also starting dance classes at Taylor Dance tonight, which I am absolutely stoked about, and I plan to be in their Spring show.

This Sunday I am going to be in a Student Showcase for the studio I am a student of, with KC Holliday. If my voice has improved...right now I'm still pretty sick :(  BUT, KC gave me four new pieces for all of my auditions in January and March for colleges and Schools of Music. And they are amazing pieces: "Angels Ever Bright and Fair", "Must the Winter Come So Soon?", "Laurie's Song" (from Copland's "The Tender Land"), and one other that I can't remember right now. They're tough, but they're beautiful.  I need to work out which ones (among these and my entire repertoire) I will use for my auditions.

Geez....the main reason for today's blog is to publicly announce that I have officially gone back to Plan A, a.k.a. Operation Achieve My Dreams :D  I am a double music major again, in Vocal Performance and Music Education, which is where I should have stayed all along.  I get excited just thinking about it, and I haven't even auditioned for any schools again, yet.

Right now, it's a toss-up between East Carolina University (again) and Appalachian State University.  Others on my list include Western Carolina University, UNC Chapel Hill, and NC State University. (But I can't go there because they don't even offer a music degree...I'm just awaiting the decision of the scholarship I applied for at NC State...but even if I get it, I'm not going to take it.)

Oh, and one other thing I'd like to clarify: When I switched my major from music to business, that was not my dad's decision, and he did not make me do it.  It was my decision because I couldn't afford ECU at the time, and I doubted whether I'd be successful enough in music to make a living.  I just meant that after I switched, with me not knowing WHAT to major in, he advised me to major in business.

But those worries are gone now anyways.  I will always be able to get a job with my education degree (if I need to), OR I could give voice lessons, like my voice teacher.  THAT'S actually where the money is. And some serious money, too. Plus performing, which is my main goal right now, and first objective after I graduate from college.

Anyhoo, I am supposed to be working right now. Or at least beginning my biography on Sir Isaac Newton that I've known about since the beginning of the semester, and that is due on Friday. You know, something of the sort.

Peace out, homies.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone is enjoying their feastful holiday! I got a break from rehearsals today before I hit the stage again at 8:00am tomorrow morning; Yes, that means a rehearsal right before the show. But how could anyone NOT love it!? That's the kind of thing I live for :)

I'm at my mom's for Thanksgiving, like every year. It is her tradition, and this year we'll have 15 guests in all!! Lots of cousins and such. I'm excited....and HUNGRY!! Anyways, we're due to eat in approximately one minute, so I gotta go, but I hope everyone travels safely, gathers with friends and families, and eats A LOT!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Why I Can't NOT Major in Music...

I know I always write stuff about school....it must seem that that's all there is to my life. Well it's not true; school is just very important to me....it's kind of a big deal.

I've had some internal arguments with myself lately with which path to take in life. It seems like there are so many opportunities laid out ahead of me. And in some cases just handed to me.

I've started to come to the conclusion lately that maybe I should just slow down and see where my life is already taking me. And it's pretty awesome :) I am the kind of person that never sees what is right in front of me because my focus is always on what's ahead.  It turns into a downfall when I become so wrapped up in where I am NOT, rather than recognizing how far I have really come.  I worry about stuff like that.

But lately, I'm beginning to see things differently, and I know now that I am in a good place, as well as headed in the right direction. Haha, I guess I'll let you in on what I am talking about......

Blah Blah Blah.....switching majors.....and re-auditioning for Schools of Music.....etc....

I was recently cast in the chorus of "Oklahoma!", which I am very excited about. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is with Moore OnStage, which is the closest thing to professional theatre around here (in other words, it is the biggest deal around here)....and it will be directed by Patrick Wickham (from Wickham Vocal Studio in New York City). It's a wonderful opportunity, and I am so excited to say now that I am a part of them. (And it's my first paid performance gig :)

Also, on Thursday night, I was watching "Survivor" with my family (our regular Thursday-night ritual) when I received a phone call from the music director of Moore OnStage's latest show, "Holiday in the Pines", informing me that one of their singers quit, and they wanted me to take the part. Of course I agreed!  So on Friday afternoon, I received the music, which consists solely of songs from the Celtic Woman's Christmas show. I have spent all weekend learning and memorizing the music.  Lucky for me (and for them, I suppose), I can learn and memorize music very easily and quickly....The show is this weekend!  And these aren't melodies...they're all harmonies, some dissonant. (Usually I'm a soprano, but I have an abnormally large range, so they're having me sing alto...which means all harmonies.) I am SOOO excited, because this is a paid gig too, which means this one will actually be my first official paid gig :)

Beside that, I have really taken a crunch time searching for new college audition pieces. During this endeavour, I have discovered through comparison of last year's recordings with ones from now, that the top of my range has stretched much more than I realized. The keys I struggled singing in last year are actually below the ones that are easy for me now. So that was a cool discovery.....that also gives me a larger pool of pieces to choose from. And I think I have them chosen: "Per la gloria d'adorarvi" by Bononcini and "Sure On This Shining Night" by Samuel Barber for one audition, and "Per la gloria d'adorarvi" (Bononcini), "Mein Herr" from "Cabernet", and "Angels Ever Bright and Fair" by Handel for another audition. I am so excited :)

Enough of my music high for now. I have to rest before hell week (of rehearsals) begins.

Buenos Noches, tout le monde!

S-COOL!

School is great. My current classes are kinda boring (except Calculus, which I love because I went from failing to acing it!), but whatever. I am excited about next semester. I just registered for my classes, and they're awesome!

General Chemistry (not so much...)
Introduction to Computers (not so much...)
World Literature (not so much...)
Piano
Applied Voice
Chorus II
Dancing for Fitness

I cannot wait for the last four!!


On December 5, I am planning to re-audition for the East Carolina School of Music. I applied to, auditioned for, and was accepted at the School of Music at ECU last year, but under the advice of my father, I switched majors to Business (and am therefore still taking classes at the community college).  I hated the idea of studying Business, so we compromised on Communications. Then about a month ago, he came back to me, worried that I wouldn't be able to do anything with a Communications degree either. So he chose Business again. I said, "Fine, I will major in Business if you let me double-major in Music." He said, "Absolutely!" and told me that was the best idea we've had yet. So, here I am re-auditioning, hoping and praying they will let me back in.

I have also applied to NC State University because that's where my brother is graduating from this year. But they don't offer a music major there (only a minor), so it is much less appealing.  We'll see. If I do get into the School of Music at ECU, I'll be a junior in the business program, and a freshman in the music program, which is kinda weird, but after I finish my first (boring) degree, then I'll be set with just the music degree to focus on.

That (sort of) segues into my next announcement:  I will be graduating from the community college in the Spring with an Associate in Arts degree! :)  I know it doesn't sound that exciting, but it means all of my general education courses will be out of the way, and it's also a tangible milestone that many four-year University students don't have to opportunity to receive.  For me, it's kind of proof that I'm actually getting somewhere, and also a reminder that it won't be much longer before I finish my (first) Bachelor's degree.  It's another motivational factor that's really going to push me through the rest of my education, which I need. :)  I'm actually more excited than I thought I'd be, haha.

Anyways, other than to let you know that "2010" was a sick-awesome movie (not-so-great acting, but FANTASTIC graphics), that's about it for now. My Thanksgiving Resolution (lol) is going to be to blog more. I think about it sometimes, it's just a matter of doing it.

Tootles!

The car gods are smiting me :(

I've had very bad luck with cars lately....it all began with Gerry (my '99 VW Passat) breaking down when I went to get my grandmother from the airport. I sent it to the VW dealership to get fixed, spent $750, and got it back with the same problems. Plus, they turned my rotors, so the shuddering (when I brake) stopped, but then my brakes were squeaking, which they weren't doing before. So I took my car somewhere local, and they fixed the squeaking, but the shuddering came back. As for the main problems, they told me their computers determined my car is in perfect condition...And they broke my center console compartment-thing. I was pretty upset about that.

While Gerry was getting "fixed", I drove my mom's car...a pearl-white '99 Lexus SC300. On my way to the audition for "Oklahoma!", a  high school girl failed to stop at stop sign, and hit my mom's car. Fortunately her dad was a cop, and he determined it was 100% her fault, and agreed to pay for the whole thing.

When my mom used her car, I drove the '94 candy-red Miata. (By the way, I LOVE driving that car!)...But, of course, as soon as I drove it, I got pulled over because the registration AND inspection were expired. I told the officer that it wasn't even my car (I guess that's not the BEST thing to tell a law-enforcer), but he understood that it's my parents', and only issued me a warning. I took it to get inspected, and it didn't pass because  one of the parking lights was out, but when they replaced the bulb, it didn't work. So I had to take that one to the Mazda dealership to get fixed, and they said it worked fine. :/   SOOO, I eventually got everything with that car taken care of.

After the local service shop determined there was nothing wrong with my car, lo and behold, Gerry worked fine (without any extra service done)...Until today. The check engine light came on, on the way to my grandmother's house. Which is where I am right now. And my dad told me to take it back to the local shop--the one that turned my brakes back to their original problem, broke my center console-thing, and determined there is nothing else wrong with my car that constantly acts like it's going to stall. Ha. Whatever.

Anyone interested in purchasing a clean, beautiful, green '99 VW Passat with brand new rear brakes, brand new hubcaps, brand new a-ton-of-other-things, and virtually no problems?

GRRRRRRandma!!!!! and Youtube :)

Last week, my grandmother asked me if I could pick her up from the airport this Wednesday (tomorrow) around 3:00pm.  I looked at my schedule, saw that I would be free all day after 11:00am, and I told her I would absolutely pick her up from the airport on Wednesday.

This morning (Tuesday), my dad gets a call from my uncle, who is staying with my grandfather while my grandmother is away, and who says my grandmother told me the wrong day, and that I need to pick her up THIS afternoon.

That really complicated things.  I live about an hour and a half from the airport, so I would have to leave my house between 1:00pm and 1:30pm, to be there in time to pick her up, because her flight comes in at 3:06pm, and we would get back sometime between 5:30pm and 6:00pm.

Unfortunately, my voice lessons are every Tuesday from 3:00pm-3:30pm, and if they are not cancelled at least 24 hours in advance, I still have to pay for them.  Also, my mom asked me to babysit Michael after school, and take Patrick to karate this afternoon from 4:30pm until 6:30pm. Patrick's karate class has already been paid for, so he can't miss it.  My dad is out of town until around 7:00pm tonight, my mom has to work, and then teach yoga at 5:30pm, and my sister is babysitting from 3:00pm until 7:30pm.

So I was pretty upset with my grandma.  I felt kind of bad because I agreed to pick her up, but I only agreed because I had nothing going on on Wednesday.   If she had asked me to get her on Tuesday, I would not have been able to agree (because of my voice lesson), and she would have worked everything out accordingly, found another ride, no harm done.

But anyways, I am still going to get her. I rescheduled my voice lesson for tomorrow, Michael skipped school so no one has to worry about picking him up or babysitting him, my mom is dropping Patrick off at karate, and I am picking him up when I get back in town.

On a different note, since my last project for my dad is finished, and the one I am working on now does not take up as much time, I have a lot of my free time back!! Which means, I am back to making Youtube videos!!! :)

Check them out! http://www.youtube.com/cgallagher08

Sample Books....and How They Got Me Robbed.

Wooooowwwwww, I haven't posted anything in quite awhile...

I have been working on this HUGE project at the office for my dad. I'm his, what he likes to call, Marketing Manager, which means I'm the one heading up the production of Sample Books. Which means I'm the one who makes them, ha. Anyways, it goes like this:

• It begins with the Master Sample Book, getting it edited by the head boss-man (a.k.a. my dad), revising it, making sure all the right styles of fabric are in, and all the wrong ones are out. 

• Next I take an inventory of each style we have in stock, update the organization to match the Revised Master Sample Book, and place orders of any styles we are out of or running low on. 

• While that is all being taken care of, I do an inventory of the pre-cut samples, again making sure we have all the styles that belong in the book, and taking out ones that no longer belong.

• Meanwhile, I have to maintain a healthy supply of the pre-cut samples (the ones that go into the book), which means I cut each individual piece from the sample roll, and organize that according to how it is all placed in the Sample Book.

• Of course, after each piece (and I'm talking about 600 pieces of each 22ish styles...you do the math.), I have to label each one, so the customers know what to order.

• Which means I have to make sure we are never out of labels.

• BUT, there IS a top and bottom to each piece, so if anyone else is helping cut or label samples (which there were this past couple of weeks), I, personally, have to make sure there were no mistakes made. (It has happened in the past, and it was not pretty...I spent half my summer fixing Sample Books that had been messed up because the fabric was upside down). 

• Anyways, after the samples are all cut and labeled, they need to be stacked altogether into the books....very neatly, perfectly aligned, making sure each label on the samples are lined up so you can't see them through the fabric, and stapling the headers on to keep it together, thus forming a book.

• Which means the headers always need to be available and ready also....which means printing them, and cutting them out, trimming the edges perfectly (after all, this is our main marketing campaign, and the sample product needs to be perfect in order to be presented to potential customers.

Me, being a perfectionist, and also being the liability for the department, took the time to create, type up, and hang a detailed outline of all the instructions regarding making a correct Sample Book.

And we actually produce two different kinds of Sample Books, which use some of the same fabrics, but different headers, and different labels, with different style names for the fabric....

So, anyways, if you didn't read all of that, it's perfectly okay because I think you get the gist without reading it. So, after I finished making the books for last month's convention, my boss/Dad, ordered 200 of type one, and 100 of type two for this month's convention....(I had SCRAMBLED to make the 75 I had sent him with to that convention)...He called before he even returned home to change his order to 400 of type one, and 200 of type two for this month's convention, after realizing the demand for the books, and the potential marketing benefits...

Not ONLY that, but i worked 57 hours in those two weeks, but was only paid for 46 hours; the government robbed me of 11 hours through taxes and deductions. Welcome to the American Dream.

So, that's why I have not posted anything for a while....now its 1:37am, and I am going to sleep. Buenos Noches, imaginary reader.

 ;)

Marshaling Ideas in the Spotlight

I received an email earlier this week from my mom, titled "jobs for you". She offered a few suggestions that actually very much intrigued me: Travel Journalism, or Travel Critiquing. I did some research, discovering that neither pays well enough to really be considered a full-time job-type career (unless you revel in adventures of living for free through the life of traveling the world). However, a few websites pointed out that being a travel journalist works very well as a freelancer, which appealed to me.

I still do not know which career I want to pursue after college, but being an INTJ, I value the journey of searching for the answers more than the destination and solution itself. So, I'm okay not knowing. I have found in my short life that the times I do not know what to expect produce the most interesting, exciting and fulfilling outcomes. I'm excited not knowing exactly what, yet exploring all possibilities. It's mysterious, and I know will turn out better than I ever imagined possible.

On another note: I think I am auditioning for a movie this weekend. I have done a ton of stage productions in the past, but I have never done a film, and I am curious to open that door and discover what that experience beholds. 

Even still, I am also auditioning for two upcoming stage productions: "Seussical, the Musical", and "Oklahoma", respectively. As it has been almost a year and a half since I have starred in a full-blown stage production, I am stoked to get back in the game. 

I am not familiar with the company presenting the former show because it is out-of-town. However, the company presenting the latter show is the largest production company in my area, and it would be a huge deal if I am cast in "Oklahoma". I did tech work as the Assistant Props Manager for "The Buddy Holly Story" for the company, but I have never worked on stage for them. 

My voice teacher told me the executive producer for the company, Moore Onstage, is apparently excited to get in contact with me about working (performing) for the company. She watched my performances in high school ("West Side Story" and "Beauty and the Beast", and has since been wanting to work with me; I am so excited.

ALSO, I ran into the music director of a local Episcopal church when he came into the pub where I work. He, who is also familiar with my talent, said he wants me to take on a position in his church as a paid soloist. I gave him my contact information, and he assured me he would be in touch soon!

That's all I have for now....I need to get to work on my monologue and songs!

La La La...Careers??

Part One: Careers (Don't Miss Part Two Below!!)

If you read this blog at all, you have probably already figured out that the one area of my life that costs me the most amount of sleep is trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. That is not entirely true: more narrowly, it is what career I want to have when I graduate from college.

Last semester, when I took an Interpersonal Communication class, my teacher made everyone take a version of the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, according to Carl Jung, (pronounced "Young"). That test determined that I am an INTJ personality type; they also gave a percentage for the strength of each preference:

I-Introverted (44%)

N-iNtuitive (38%)

T-Thinking (100%)

J-Judging (22%)

The description was all very interesting, and impressively accurate. Curious to find out if my personality type had changed since last semester, I took the test again a few days ago. Depending on which version I took,  I was either still diagnosed as an INTJ (and quite proud of it!), or as an ISTJ. The S denotes Sensing; S's are more "by the book", live by straight fact, and like to function in a highly structured manner. I read the profiles of ISTJs and found them to be slightly less accurate than the INTJ, but it was a fine line.

---I inquired my uncle, who is a professional psychologist, on the different types. He told me that I am considered an IXTJ (which is a technical term). He explained that that area of my personality is on the fence, and that as I grow and mature, my personality will gravitate stronger to one side. (He also noted that I'm barely old enough for the personality type to even apply. He is not aware that I am quite an old soul, far beyond my years in many ways.)---

The main reason I wanted to retake the test, however, was because I wanted to identify the careers best indicated for my personality type. I'll admit I was disappointed by what I discovered. The careers listed were: Computer Programming, Natural Science/Natural Science Education, Engineering, Management, Entrepreneurship, Law, and Librarian.* 

Unsatisfied by these suggestions, I decided to do more research to find some different options.  Another site stated** 

"Popular careers for the INTJ include:

economist financial planner investment banker computer programmer financial analyst network administrator systems analyst software developer

attorney engineer architect pilot graphic designer writer columnist/critic inventor

The only careers from this list that sound remotely interesting (and feasible) to me are a pilot, a writer, or a columnist/critic.  Two categories I can sort the remaining careers into are: 

1. Careers that I could not do, (computer programmer, systems analyst, software developer, engineer, architect, and graphic designer); and 

2. Careers that I could, but would not do: (all the rest)

While I still believe the INTJ profiles to be more accurate, I nonetheless researched careers for an ISTJ. I found that none were any more enticing than what the INTJ had to offer; they were pretty much the same.

The thing is, is that I am entirely capable of doing a lot of those intense and well-paying jobs, and I know I would be very good at them; I just don't think that I would enjoy them. I don't want to put myself in a job that I hate, that I am bored with, that I'm "stuck" in, or that binds me. To me, all of that extra money is not worth hating my job. What would be the point?

*http://www.humanmetrics.com/vocation/JCI.asp?EI=-44&SN=-38&TF=100&JP=22

**http://www.personalitydesk.com/intj-type-description.php

P.S. I [think] what I want.

Leading to my next point...Part Two: What I Think I Know I Want

There are few details of myself that I know, but I know them to my core. I know what I want in life (at least from this point in my life), and these are very important to me:

1. I want to live somewhere else. 

• My first choice is Ireland. I want to work in, perhaps, Dublin, and have a condo in the South of Dublin. I also want a weekend home in Wicklow. Just a tiny, charming cottage with a mountain or water view. If I decide I prefer the west coast, then I would want a similar set-up with a condo in Galway City, and a weekend home in Clare (the music capital). 
• My second choice is California. To me, the most attractive places (that I have visited) are Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, and Long Beach, respectively. I am not much of a fan of San Francisco or Los Angeles. Still, I would probably try to live in Long Beach and work out of Los Angeles. California, like New York City, just is not as appealing and glamourous as I used to imagine.

2. As mentioned above...

• If I live in the city, I want a tiny 1-2 bedroom apartment, and I want it to be decorated like Dr. Gregory House's apartment, which is strangely similar to the inside of Abercrombie and Fitch stores. 
• If do not live in the city, I want to live either in the mountains or by the water, in a small cottage.

3. I want to be able to travel...a lot.  I want to see the world! I want to go to Ireland, Scotland, France, London, Wales, Italy, Spain, and tons of different tropical places...

So far that's what I know for sure. But I still cannot figure out which career will allow for all of these things.

Sidetracking, Distractions, and Insight to Why That's All it Is (Part 1)

I hate that, as much as I know and have made myself aware of, I still get distracted and side-tracked. And I'm not talking literally, in an every-day physical sense. I'm talking about in a mental and emotional sense. The scariest and most frustrating part is that it only takes the smallest meaningless bit of information to set me off track.

Fortunately, I am aware of it, and I have the power to overcome it. Not only that, but in an amount of time that no real damage is done.

Basically, I know my standards, and I know my boundaries. I also know never to cross them in the future (under any circumstances); however, where I have crossed them in the past is where it is hard to stay away.

At my age, I have experienced such deep emotional intensity and intimacy that some never even know exists. It was the most beautiful, intuitive understanding of the so vehemently intertwined souls of two impassioned people entirely infatuated with one another.

Reality became difficult to separate from the fantasy that was playing itself out in our mixed up and confused lives.  It was like a movie. (I have always thought that, without any scenes adapted or rewritten, our story would burn through the hearts of a silver screen audience.)

Everything was right. Nothing could go wrong. And all of the elements were there; perhaps the most exciting of which was the fact that it was forbidden: unspeakable. Worse: unimaginable. Yet when others began suspecting the truth we both adamently denied, the mere fact and circumstance made the denial of our feelings for each other ten-fold intransigent.

What, then, happened? What tore apart these two who too briefly encountered the true (yet false) marriage of the souls? If something were honestly and genuinely that strong and real, nothing would have the power the make their souls inseparable. (This, my friends, is how I have been able to, in the months proceeding the near-killing blow back into reality, discover that none of it was true. None of it was real. It was all a lie; a test from ego, yet a rare opportune moment in time facing a fork in the path of life, each way yielding extremely opposing consequences.)

The answer lies in the the little things. The reminders of what is really going on. The hints that, although I may have thought "It's too real for those minor things to matter", were (looking back) red-flags and caution signs. Billboards, in fact, saying "DO NOT ENTER". The answer lies in the seemingly small characteristics that can be counted on one hand. But they stand out against the rest because they are the most important.

Read on.......another day. (To be continued...)

August 29, 2009: A Book About Birthdays and Hell

Today was the day for celebrating the birthday of myself.

Unfortunately, it was also the day for a double-shift back at that hell-hole

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQL3PtiZH0Q)...

Last night was NOT a good one at work. Besides half of my section having been given away because I could not handle all of the tables, I was apparently unable to handle the two tables I did have. One was a party of six, and the other, a party of two.

To the six-top, I brought out their soups and salads after submitting their drink order to the bar, and literally went straight back into the kitchen, only to have the owner of the restaurant tell me to run the food for the six-top. So, of course, I had to. The floor-manager was....well, out on the floor.....right beside my table, to make sure I didn't screw up. As soon as I administered the meals to each person, (two of which ordered more drinks, before I had time to get their last order of drinks to them...), I headed to the bar to get their drinks. My manager stopped me midway and started chewing me out because of how my customers got their soups and salads at the same time as their entreés (which I knew was bad, but what could I have done at that point?). She made me so upset, I couldn't get the drinks from the bar; or go back to the table for a few minutes, for that matter. Fortunately, the bartender realized this whole situation and brought their drinks for me.

Meanwhile, however, I was taking entirely too long to get the food and drinks out to my second table, a two-top. Not only that, but once I did bring out their entreés, it turned out I screwed up their order. Bad. The woman at the table asked for no bacon on her meal, and I forgot to inform the kitchen. So I told the manager, she took it back to the kitchen, told them to fix it. She returned to the table to calm the customer down, while the kitchen simply took the bacon off the top and added more breadcrumbs to the top, to make it look new. As soon as I was about to take it back out to the table, however, my manager returned to warn us that the woman was allergic to bacon, so the whole meal had to be re-done. I was furious, mostly at myself.

In the end, I made $36 off of the six-top. Not much off of the other one, but I don't blame them. We took her meal off their ticket though. I made $57 all night.

Today was another story, (and this is where my birthday dinner comes into play). Sometime on Tuesday, my mom texted me that my birthday dinner was going to be at 7:30pm at 195 (that's the name of the restaurant), on Saturday night. I texted her back that I was working at 6:00pm on Saturday, and asked if we could reschedule it. She said we couldn't because Saturday was the only night that my brother could come (because he lives an hour away at college). I offered for me not to go then, my mother said that was ridiculous (for me not to be at my own birthday dinner), and I pointed out that either I couldn't be there, or my brother couldn't be there....which made her mad. She drove me to the pub where I work and took me inside to ask the manager if I could switch shifts with someone. Just my luck, there was only one girl who, either was not already working, had asked off, or had already switched shifts with someone...and my manager did not want her to cover my shift (because she asks off too much). My mom explained the situation again, using different words and inflections, so my manager offered for me to come in at 3:00pm, so I would be out by 7:oopm.

Today I worked from 10:00am until 2:00pm for my first shift, fortunately with the same manager who promised to get me to my birthday dinner on time. I returned at 3:00pm for my second shift, only to find that another manager was working the dinner shift. (This is also the manager that makes the schedules...the one you NEVER ask about switching shifts or getting off early.) I was unaware of the fact that my first manager never said a word to the second manager about me needing to be out by 7:30pm for my birthday dinner, until it was 7:15pm and she was still seating me a party of six. The hostess (who knew about me needing to leave) gave the table to someone else, my manager found out, got pissed, came to me to mention she knew nothing of this "drama" (as she called it), and told me to transfer out all of my remaining tables to other servers so I could pay her out and leave. At that point, all of my remaining tables had finished eating and were paying me out....which made my manager even more mad. She told me to transfer them out anyways, but I was not about to give away my money like that (I was the one who waited on them).....after they paid me, and I paid my manager, she pretty much kicked me out the door. Then my mom was mad that I was upset when I actually got to my birthday dinner, 15 minutes late.

Work aside, my birthday celebration went very well. My brothers said some really cool things about me that pretty much made the entire night. After dinner, I watched The Time Traveler's Wife with my sister and her friends, and my little brothers. (I had already seen it, but it was still good.) After the movie, we all went home and soaked in the hot-tub for awhile. It was nice.

Tomorrow, I'm going to some place to do some kind of weird-name yoga....It sounds interesting. But I'll blog about that another day.

Goodnight, reader.

August 27, 2009- To Do: Extinguish Fire!

Today was a busy day...

I got to sleep in today for the first time in awhile, and it was very nice. My grandmother called me early this morning to let me know that she did not need me to sit with my grandfather today because he was having a "bad day", and she did not want to leave him. So I went back to sleep until around 11:00am, when my mother invited me to run errands with her.

My mother, of course, had a large list of things she needed to get done today, so she had me create a To Do list for her (in no particular order):

• Get lunch for my Michael (my little brother), dad, and Bruce (the guy that works with my dad)
• Go to Lowe's to pick out hardwood floors for the laundry room, bathroom, and my parents' bedroom
• Go to the bank to make a few deposits
• Go to work to deal with some issues
• Go to Staples to buy a new printer
• Pick up Patrick (the oldest of my younger brothers) from school...(my sister, Brittney, picked up Michael from school)
• Go to the health food store to get some ingredients for smoothies (Yum!)
• Haircut (for me)
• Go go the car wash

We got everything done on the list, except for the last two items, before it was time to go to the yoga studio to set up for tonight's class. My mom taught tonight, and it was an amazing class! Very different from the Teen Hot Yoga class that I go to every Sunday night from 7:30pm-9:00pm. There were only three people there besides me, my sister, and my mom. Although the rountine was the same, it was a nice change to have a very small class tonight, as opposed to the very large teen class.

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! The entire fire department came to my house on Tuesday night, around 9:30pm. My mom, dad, and I were all downstairs when we started smelling smoke. We looked everywhere but could not find a source, so after almost five minutes my mom called 911. They dispatched the fire department and some police officers, and told us to get everyone outside immediately. Within two minutes, we had our entire street blocked off, with the policemen directing traffic on the streets next to ours, and an entire fire squad searching our house for the source of the very potent smoke-smell. The team was absolutely amazing--they were like "a well-oiled machine", as my parents called them. But not one of them hesitated upon arrival: each had a job, knew what is was, and was not going to let anything stop them from executing it. (That included getting the fire hose positioned to spray directly into our front door, filling the hose with water, and making sure it was working properly by testing the hose on the trees and bushes beside the house---It was very exciting.) I became kind of nervous when reporters and photographers started showing up, along with a mob of neighbors.

Finally, after forty-five minutes of investigation and making sure it was not a structure fire, (with flames inside the walls of our all-wood house, that cannot be seen until the damage is unstoppable), the firemen discovered the source of the odor to be our dryer. (We were very surprised at this because our dryer was serviced a week before, by our local appliance-repair company.) To be sure, they turned the dryer on, and it immediately began smoking profusely. The chief came to the conclusion that it was a motor fire, and ordered his men to remove it from our house completely. Unfortunately, the only way to remove the dryer was to remove the washing machine first; but, fortunately the problem was much less scary than it could have been. Before all of the people and action left, the chief fireman got some information on us, as well as the appliance-repair company, and informed us on how we could get a copy of our filed case.

In the end, everyone was safe, and my gossip-y sister was jealous she missed all of the "drama". (Because she was out with her boyfriend-of-the-month.)

August 24, 2009-Okay, maybe I'm serious this time...?

I think I know what I am officially majoring in now: Communications. (And I want to minor either in Music, French, or Art Studies [in music and film]...but that will be a whole other issue.)

(Not that anyone cares, but...)

The deal with transferring ALL of my credits now, rather than just some, is that I need to get the Pre-Major Associate in Arts Articulation Agreement in Communication/Communication Studies.....as they call it at my school. Which is basically just an Associate in Arts in Communications, (as I mentioned in a previous post). I researched it a little bit more and discovered that I can totally pull it off in the time I have left at my school, before I transfer to a university (another whole separate issue...). After this semester, I will need 9 hours of Humanities/Fine Arts, 4 hours of Natural Sciences, a college transfer course, another P.E. class, Intro to Communications, then 9 hours of "other" courses (electives). So I will either take 18 hours next semester, and 9 hours in the summer, OR I will take 15 hours next semester, and 12 next summer. (Which does mean that I cannot do my internship in Ireland in 2010...it will have to wait until 2011; that might actually be better.)

I think I'm really serious this time...you have NO idea how huge of a relief it was to finally come to that conclusion. Business was just too boring; Communications can still involve business, but is more creative, fun, and interesting. I'm pretty excited....I'm thinking of going into some sort of journalism, or media broadcasting, in the long-run. (I want to work for CNN, haha!) At this point, I need to stick with my major, and decide on a school: it's a toss-up with East Carolina University (where I was going to attend until I switched from Vocal Performance/Music Education to Communications), NC State, and Appalachian State University.

Anyways, I was house-sitting the crazy dogs again this weekend...that plus an 8:00am Calculus class this morning (plus sitting with my grandfather tomorrow at 8:30am) equals me going to bed now.

Goodnight!

August 19, 2009

I may not have decided for sure, but I have set myself up better than I was. I changed my schedule again, mainly to get credit toward the Transfer Core Diploma, rather than blindly trying to match Business course credits. So my new schedule is as follows:

• Brief Calculus, 8:00-8:50am, MWF
• Principles of Microeconomics, 9:00am-9:50am, MWF
• Business Law I, 10:00am-10:50am, MWF
• Public Speaking, 7:30pm-8:45pm, Tuesday, and online (It's a Hybrid Course)
• Music Appreciation, online

Now I'm taking 15 credit hours instead of 19, so my schedule is much more manageable. Also, next semester I will only need one literature course, one humanities course, and one natural science course. However, in order to maintain a full-time status, students are required to take a minimum of 12 credit hours per semester. Since I will only have 10 hours in required courses, and because I am in Business Law I this semester (which does not count toward my Transfer Core Diploma), I will take some Communications courses next semester. Taking the extra courses in Business as well as in Communications will hopefully help me decide which subject I will pursue at a university.

So that is settled for now, but don't be surprised if I change my mind again!

August 18, 2009: Will I Ever Decide??

I think I need to change my major again...I still want to do Communications, but right now I'm still going for business. Well, technically the Associate in Arts degree, but that won't transfer as anything more than the general education core of a B.A. or B.S. in Communications at a senior institution, so why should I waste my time? What I need to do (while I can) is switch to the Pre-Major Associate in Arts degree for Communications, which will be so much more valuable when transferring. The only downside right now is that not all of the credits I already have go toward that degree; that means I will have to spend even more time than planned at my community college (by a semester or maybe two...) The upside is that, either way it will take more time than planned to obtain the Bachelor's degree, but at the community college it will be the most cost/time efficient. So I need to change my schedule and major...again.

Ugh, this is frustrating. (I still can't sleep at night!)

August 16, 2009

Sir Paul McCartney will always hold a special place in my heart. I went to his concert in Atlanta last night, and at 67 years old, he is still rocking! With me were my parents, older sister, two little brothers, and younger cousin. We sat pretty far back on a small hill that wasn't too crowded, but before the concert started we made it up to the second row! A little more than halfway through the concert, it started raining pretty hard, and it was such a great experience! Jamming to Paul McCartney in the rain--it doesn't get much better than that :)

Opening for Sir Paul was a band from Dublin, called "The Script", and they were so cool! My dad bought their CD for my sister and me, and I have to admit, I haven't stopped listening to them since! (In fact, I'm listening to them right now--Please check them out at www.thescriptmusic.com) Of course, I would like any band from Ireland.

Speaking of Ireland, I found some internships in the summer in Dublin that I am seriously considering applying for. It's an 8-week program that guarantees placement in the industry of your choice, includes housing, half board (2 meals per day), transportation to and from the airport, and it's right in the heart of the city! It costs about $5,000 and that doesn't include airfare to and from Ireland; but if I were to try to travel to Ireland for 8 weeks on my own, it would probably end up costing more than that, so it's a great deal for an experience of a lifetime! I'm planning to go either Summer 2010, or Summer 2011. I can't wait--it would be a dream-come-true!

School starts tomorrow for me, and I do not know whether I am ready. I am worried about taking 19 hours; if I manage my time well, though, I know I will be fine. My classes are mainly Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8am-11am, with one on Tuesday at 7:30pm, and two classes online. (Although, I am trying to switch my Tuesday class to an online one so that it won't interfere with Choral Society). Anyways, with my open days, I should be able to do all my work with no problem-especially when I sit with Papa. Plus, after this semester, I'll only need 7 hours, so next semester will be a BREEZE!

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, and has sweet dreams tonight--Goodnight!

August 12, 2009-Here I Go Again

It has been a few days since my last blog, so here is a quick update.

The guest room is mine now because my older sister took my room when she moved back from her dad's house--little does she know, I like my new room better. She is out of town with her latest boyfriend and won't return until Saturday. My little sister turned six, so I visited her and attended her birthday party; but, I could only take so much of Pleasantville, so after a while I wished my little sister a happy birthday and was quickly well on my way home...a little too quickly. A few miles from home, I was pulled over and issued my first speeding ticket. The state trooper let me off pretty easy though. I spent the rest of the weekend with my mom (the one I live with) at my grandmother's house because it was our turn to take care of Mam-ma. We ate ice-cream and watched "Marley and Me", which I enjoyed much more than I had expected. Sunday I saw "G.I. Joe" with my little brother, then went to hot yoga. The room steeped to ninety-eight degrees and eighty-seven percent humidity with thirty-eight people! It was CRAZY, but I got to show off some new poses I've learned. It was a great weekend!

Monday I saw "Aliens in the Attic" with the same little brother, then went to work at the pub long enough to make four bucks off of one table. At least they let me go home early. Tuesday morning, I sat with my grandfather, Papa, so my grandmother, Tutu, could go to the gym and run errands. I go every Tuesday and Thursday and I love it, (they are my favorite grandparents). Papa and I always watch CNN together, and I read or do research on the computer while he naps. It's a great bonding time for us, really, and Tutu pays me for it. It's nice for her to gain some of her independence back; she very much deserves a break every now and then from taking care of Papa. I encourage her to take her time because she always seems to hurry; I constantly reassure her that my mornings are free.

Tuesday afternoon, I spent seven hours completing a project my dad assigned me (with the internship). A day in the life of a Marketing Research Analyst made me realize that I do NOT want to be a Marketing Research Analyst. Staring at a computer screen for that amount of time is enough to make anyone go mental. It is a good realization to come to now, before I get my degree, rather than after, when it would be too late to do anything about it.

That being said, (obviously) I am switching majors...again. Not as drastically this time, though. Just enough for me to enjoy my career. A career in which I can travel, be creative, be well-respected, work for any kind of business or corporation, and make a comfortable amount of money, a career in which I can incorporate my knowledge of people and how they work, my need and ability to organize, my natural ability to please people, and in which I actually have to think. It outlines the perfect career for me; I laugh at the thought that I used to resist it. (When I took a course in the subject last semester, it was one of those subjects I thought I was going to hate, tried to hate, then ended up being impressed with because I couldn't hate it.)

What miraculous subject am I majoring in NOW??? Communications! (Mrs. Kruska will be so proud...)

I've not yet decided what my concentration will be, but I've got time to explore. For now, my plan is to get my Associate in Arts from the community college, (after this semster, I will only have seven hours left). Then, I will either transfer to any university here, or I could move to California and finish my B.A. online (which, needless to mention, adds to the appeal).

Anyways, it's 1:00am, and I going to my mom's yoga class at 9:30am, (all of the classes at the studio are hot), and it is a power vinyasa class...my favorite! We are leaving the house at 8:30am so she can set up the studio, so I need to get some rest.

Goodnight!

August 7, 2009

Man, today was a day.....I was at work (at the pub) for 10 hours :( It was, at least, profitable.

I'm so excited to start school on the 17th. I'm taking 19 hours--I had to get the Dean to sign a petition that allows me to take that many, although I don't really feel like it will be that much. And I'm on the Dean's List anyways, so it wasn't that huge of a deal.

The courses I'm taking this semester are: Brief Calculus, Business Law I, Principles of Micro-Economics, Principles of Macro-Economics, Principles of Financial Accounting, and Public Speaking.

That means, after this semester, I will only need to take seven more hours before I transfer. Which is good because then I will have plenty of time for electives. I usually like to make the Fall semester the more difficult one so I can lay back a little in the Spring.

Whenever I think about how I'm not majoring in music anymore, I get kinda sad. But music is my passion, so I didn't want to make it my career. I didn't want to turn what I love into my job. Not to say that I won't like my job....I love the work I'm doing in my internship right now. And it pays very well! But music is different....its what I live for. Not what lives for me.

So, I feel confident in the educational path I have chosen. It sets me up for a secure future. I can spend more energy on music, and less on worrying about security. It will allow me to be completely independent AND practice what I love. I'm excited. :)

On that note, I'm doing Choral Society again this year. I cannot wait! I wish I could re-visit the high school's Chamber Ensemble (that I used to be in), but....

Oh, and I'm working on my songs....I still need a band (mostly for writing purposes). I've recorded two already, but I still have six or seven that need to be finished. You can check out my first two on my music myspace http://www.myspace.com/carolinegallaghermusic and let me know what you think. Also, please follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/cgallagher08

I have GOT to get to bed. I'm going to my mom's for Paige's (my little sister) birthday party tomorrow morning. She's turning six!!

Goodnight All--Buenos Noches--Bonne Nuit

Chapter One: Success

As I searched for a motivational quote to add on Twitter (you can follow me at cgallagher08), I found that some of the quotes brought a sense of enlightenment with awareness. A few of my favorites were:

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." -Thomas Jefferson (This one became my Tweet)

"Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself." -Theodore T. Hunger

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." -Robert Collier

Still, the one I live by right now is another one of my father's: "There are 3 types of people in this world: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened."

I don't know why I worry about the future so much. I guess I'm afraid of failing, or disappointing myself and those that care about me. And I mean, who wouldn't be? It's normal for someone my age to worry about these things. I think, in part, worrying actually determines how successful a person becomes. (Among other things, such as never settling....but that is a whole other issue. I'll come back to that.)

It seems (and probably is true) that at this point in my life (being a college student) every little move I make will have a large impact on the rest of my life. The decisions I make now are the ones whose consequences, whether good or bad, I will face forever. Unfortunately, also at this point in my life, I am completely noncommittal. I am afraid to commit to anything that I cannot later back out of if I need or want to. I am not entirely sure where that fear comes from, nor my fear of being unsuccessful.

(Skip this paragraph if you're not interested in reading about my past successes) Growing up and throughout the school years, I proved to be very successful. At almost everything. I always made good grades with ease and was good at following rules; I was always the teacher's pet and the child my parents boasted about. In high school, I had many successes I am still kind of proud of. I was a cheerleader as a Freshman, and made the Varsity team my junior year (I ended up quitting for chorus and theatre, which are my favorite success stories). Freshman year, I took Concert Choir and hated it for the lack of motivation in my peers. I only dreamed of being in one of the competitive upper ensembles (you had to be hand-picked by the director). There was an all-women's ensemble, called Sotto Voce, which I hoped for a chance in...and then there was Chamber Ensemble, which I knew I would never be good enough for. Not only was I in Sotto Voce my sophomore year, and not only was I in Sotto Voce AND Chamber Ensemble my junior year, but I was in Sotto Voce, Chamber Ensemble AND Concert Choir (again) my senior year. (I'm pretty sure I was one of the first to be in all three). And not only that, but Chamber and Sotto Voce placed first in their divisions and first and second place overall (respectively) my senior year at Heritage's National Festival of Gold in Chicago. Howard Coble even mentioned us in the Congressional Records. I was on top of the world. As for my theatre successes, I don't really know where they came from, but they were the most fun. My freshman year: I had never considered doing theatre before, but a friend convinced me to go to a meeting for people interested in working backstage. I went, and ended up having the time of my life as a techie for the spring musical that year (Damn Yankees). Sophomore year: I was in the chorus of Les Miserables (with our local theatre company, which no longer exists), and I was a Protean in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (my school's spring musical that year). Junior Year: the theatre director let slip early that we were doing West Side Story that Spring. I had never seen the show, knew nothing about it, and was content to have been in the chorus again. My mom actually convinced me that I could play the lead, and encouraged me to work on it. So I did, and was cast as Maria. Senior year held a quite dramatic audition (which involved pre-casting, casting by the choreographer, and little input taken from the musical director, who I had worked with the most). With one female lead left and me yet to be cast, a dispute between the Director (who didn't think I could pull off the part) and the Musical Director (who argued it would be a slap in my face to put me back in the chorus after my performance in West Side Story), I was cast as Mrs. Potts in the school's production of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. In the end, I blew away the Director with my diversity. (And I still have people tell me that, although no one could have played Mrs. Potts the way I did, that I would have made a better Belle....I thought Braylin played a stunning Belle though.)

Reflecting on those memories makes me feel somewhat foolish...the past is the past, and hardly projects what will happen in the future. Still, I know that if I take things one step at a time, but don't pace myself (as in, always work my hardest and give my best), then the future will be just fine.

Inspiration or Frustration?

I have never blogged before, but I've recently decided it may be well worth my time. Why? Because my mind is so unorganized and without direction that I think blogging might actually help me out a little. You know, it might be sort of therapeutic. Or something...

I'm sorry....let me introduce myself: I am a college sophomore stuck in between the now and the future, reality and fantasy, truth and...well, what I wish were the truth. A little background information about me: This is the closest to writing in a diary that I will ever come to. It's not my thing. Also, I HATE any form of online networking. Mostly because I think it's fake, and I don't like to waste my time with "fake". My father has always told me "Time is your most valuable asset", and sometimes I take him a little too seriously on that.

So why have I let down my own standards and decided to blog? Because I figure it's a way to put my thoughts and ideas into words that I don't neccessarily have to be held accountable to (at least not right now...my mom gets mad when I "think outloud", as my dad calls it, because she takes everything literally). Also, if there is any chance of direction from getting my thoughts down, it's worth a try for when I am too indecisive. Which is all too often.

But what can I say? I am a small town girl with big city dreams. I'm looking for the fastest and easiest ways to get out of this little town and pursue those dreams. But I am frustratingly torn between how easy it is to pursue them now, and the fact that if I wait just a little bit longer, and push a little bit harder now, then I can lay a much more stable foundation for my future...which either scares me into doing what is safe, or makes me wonder whether I will become the girl who never quite reached her dreams because she always did what was safe.

So what could possibly be keeping me up at 2:50am (EST) deciding to BLOG?? Well, it's probably not THAT huge of a deal to normal people (cause, like, everyone goes through it). But seeing as how I'm half psychotic (a characterisitc I get from having eight siblings and being smack-dab in the middle), and obsessive about having a plan (or NOT having a plan--a characteristic I get from seeing my older siblings not reach their full potentials, and my dad also always saying "Failing to plan is planning to fail."--anyways...)...I am up at 2:50am blogging.

Here it is: After this, my second year at a local community college, I can't pick one of these two simple, fail-proof choices to finish my B.S. in Business Administration:

1. Move to California and finish my degree online through the school I just decided NOT to attend this Fall...

• Pros: I get to move to California and work full-time, potentially for a company that could jump-start my dream career in the Music and/or Film Industry
• Cons: I would have less time to save money before I move (either way, I'm moving to California after college), and I wouldn't have the minor (mentioned below)

OR

2. Stay home (well, move from my dad's house to my mom's), go to the college my older brother will graduate from this year, and that my sister plans to attend next year, and also minor in Art Studies with concentrations in Music and Film Studies.

• Pros: I would have more time to save my money, plus I could get the minor
• Cons: It means I have to wait another two years before I move to California :(

Yep, my delima is that simple. Yet I still can't sleep at night because I have no solution to the puzzle. I'm an insomniac because I'm a motivated big-dreamer...a curse or a blessing? Who knows, it may just be both. So I'll be grateful. And still weigh my choices. As for now, my creative juices are running low, and I've got to get the dogs put away for the night. And myself. I have to be at work in seven and a half hours.

P.S. I knew it would help. Obviously the latter is the most rational and reasonable choice. "The right choice is not always the easiest to make"....as my dad always says.